When Christians Disagree

If anyone’s new here this morning, I’m not the real person. I’m not the normal person. So if you don’t like me, there’ll be someone different next week who’s great. If you do, I’ll be back next month. Guest teaching. So welcome everybody. Some of you know, because I’ve been here before, I have three kids, ages 17, 20 and 22.

And some big news I need to share with you before I get into the text. Because when I’m here next month, I might look different. My son is getting married in seven days. I know I’m going to be a mother in law, so I don’t know if that’s going to make me fatter or taller, or if I’m going to have a limp when I come back, I don’t know, but something’s going to be a little different.

And if you notice it, it’s because I’m a mother in law. So if you have any tips for me after service, come find me. Bye. Donuts or something? I don’t know. My husband and I met in college. We were both at UCLA and he had transferred in from Azusa. And when he was at a XZA, it was the 90s, which is was really the golden age of contemporary Christian music.

And so something was happening at a Zaza that I wasn’t aware of, but a lot of students were feeling convicted about listening to secular music, because now there was some good stuff on the scene. So they were tossing out their Christian music. They’re burning it. They’re throwing away their CDs. And my husband Shiela was like, sweet, let me pick up some free U2 CDs and get some different music.

And then he felt convicted to not listen to non-Christian music. And then he goes off to UCLA, transfers over, meets me and I’m, you know, road tripping to Santa Barbara to go to a Toad the Wet Sprocket concert if anyone remembers them. Solid. In fact, I looked them up this morning and they’re going to be in the area in August.

So if anyone wants to get me tickets, we can go. But not Sheila. So that’s what we’re going to talk about this morning. Not till the wet sprocket just a little bit. But what do we do as believers when we hold different convictions, different personal convictions? When the Lord calls us to something that maybe doesn’t call our brother or sister to secondary issues, or as Romans 14 calls them, where we’re going to be today, disputable matters.

How do we hold these convictions and gray areas or non salvific issues without blowing up our relationships with our Christian family? And if you’ve been here, you know that Romans is a letter Paul writes to believers in Rome. So it’s a family letter to believers. It follows Romans one through 814. The numbers. I’m not a math girl, but you know, leading up to Romans 14, you get a lot of theology and you get a lot of who God is and who we are in light of that.

Therefore, this is how we’re going to live it out. And that’s where chapter 14 comes in. It’s kind of adding to those family rules. If you were here and I talked in Ephesians a little about this is who God is. And in light of that, we’re going to walk out in this family rules. And so what we know from early in Romans is that our goodness cannot save us.

Our goodness cannot save us. Following the law does not make us right with God. Only God can make us right through Jesus Christ and His grace. And that is really the message of Romans. If you’re not familiar with the Romans Road, that was something that was really big when I was in college, two sharing the Romans Road. Go Google that.

It gives a really good picture of the gospel all in Romans. And really, this is what separates Christianity from just about every other religion, that we are saved by grace through faith, not by works. We can’t earn it. Yes, once we know that we’ve been saved, those good works are going to come. But that is not what saves us.

So in chapter 14, we see some practical encouragement as to how to live as a family who has differences, how to live in unity through that lens of mercy that Matt talked about in Romans 12. We also need to understand the historical pressure cooker that Paul was under when he steps into Romans 14. We can look even outside of biblical texts to see this tension of what was happening politically in that time.

In 49 BC, the Roman Emperor Claudius was really frustrated because there was a lot of rioting and dissension breaking out within the Jewish city quarters. So the historians Suetonius records that these riots were can centering around a figure named Festus, which most modern scholar scholars believe that was Christ, that they spelled it wrong, but it was Christ. And so there’s all this dissension happening.

So then Claudius kicks them all out. Get out of here! You’re fighting. You’re causing this tension, this Jesus person. Get out! So a lot of the Roman Jews were gone. Then five years later, their leader dies and they come back. So that’s what Paul’s come into. These people have come back to their church that they left these Romans, they get kicked out.

They come back, they see their church, and they’re like, what is happening right now? What do you guys do? There’s drums, there’s LED screens. You don’t do communion every week. All this stuff is different. This is not how we left it. That’s not actually what was happening. Then. It was more like, wait a minute, what about our holy days?

You’re not practicing these same holy days that we did. And you’re eating meat. This could be sacrificed to idols. What are you doing? And so this is what Paul is coming into as we enter Romans 14. So open your Bibles or your phones to your Bibles or however you want to look at it. It’s on the screen, but follow along.

Romans 14 one through four. Except the one whose faith is weak without quarreling over disputable matters. One person’s faith allows them to eat anything but another whose faith is weak. It’s only vegetables. The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not. And the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does.

For God has accepted them. Who are you to judge someone else’s servant to their own master? Servants stand or fall, and they will stand. For the Lord is able to make them stand.

As a family we hold our personal convictions differently now with less conviction, but with more humility. Not to win arguments, but to protect unity, not to elevate ourselves, but to love others. We are going to hold our convictions differently. Paul says in Romans, as a family, we’re going to do it differently. As a family, number one, we do not dispute.

We do not quarrel over disputable matters. So what are these disputable matters? They’re gray areas. They’re matter matters of conscience. Areas where faithful Christians may sincerely disagree because Scripture is not explicit, or because the application is not always clear and simple. The gospel is not a disputable matter. Salvation, sin, Romans road. That’s not what we’re talking about here.

We are talking about preferences, about secondary theological issues, areas where areas where sincere believers may disagree on how it’s done. So then it was, can I eat this meat? It may have been sacrificed to an idol where the Gentiles were like, no, I don’t care. It’s either I can eat it. Paul says, stop judging each other. Welcome one another.

We’re all of the same table. You’re not their master. God is their master. You don’t need to worry about them doing it differently. He keeps calling him back to the same table of belonging, and this was significant and radical to have this united front at that time. Now it would be like blue collar hunters and vegan environmentalists getting along, getting together, having their disagreements, but staying at the same table.

Fox and CNN somehow being together without being like this. It doesn’t happen. It’s radical. It’s one of Christianity’s most shocking claims that Jews and Gentiles could belong at the same table, in the same family. That was radical, without the Gentiles having to adopt everything that Jews were used to with their customs. One family under grace. So back then it was the food and the holy days in this passage.

But now it’s things like what are your view? What’s your views of and times? What are views on alcohol, communion, styles of worship, tattoos, music and movie choices, and many political applications could be holidays. Do you celebrate Halloween or not? When Scripture is not explicit, we as a family resist, resist turning personal convictions into verdicts over one another.

We are not each other’s masters. As Paul says, and this should change how we handle disagreement. Because when I remember. But another believer belongs to Jesus, before they belong to my tribe, or my political camp, or my preferences, or my interpretation of every single secondary issue, it’s going to soften my impulse to condemn and to judge and to dishonor and to criticize and to correct everyone around me.

How many times have you heard this or thought this? This is a tough one. How can that person be a Christian and vote for that person? How can this person say they’re a Christian and align with this political party? And if you’re living in an echo chamber, you can’t answer that question. But if you are in relation with people in the body of Christ in different places and different churches and different areas, you will learn that there are believers that have different convictions politically and they’re still at the table.

And it’s really hard because sometimes I do want to say, I don’t know, that’s like so stupid, which is not what the Paul’s calling us to do, but to be able to say, you can say, I don’t get it. I can’t come to the same conclusion that they are. I know they love Jesus. And I look at the fruits in their lives.

I’m not going just to go to battle with them and dispute over this particular issue. We don’t fight over disputable matters. We accept one another as we faithfully pursue Jesus and remember we belong to the same Lord and ultimately he is the final judge.

There is no political party that fully captures his kingdom or his character. Period. The church should be a unique place in our culture, where people from opposite sides of the political aisle come together to declare that ultimate legions isn’t to a party, but to a king. And his name is Jesus. And he is bigger than the ballot. And I know that’s really hard for us to swallow sometimes, but we need to go back to the core.

We’re at the table. We’re trying to seek Jesus. Let’s not fight and be like the culture that just cancels people and fights. And you’re over here and I’m over here. Let’s be at the same table.

I’m going to stand before God to we all will to answer that. Did I bring division or unity to my family?

And, Yeah. Hold on a second. A little bit. Okay. Now we’re going to go into Romans 14 five through nine.

One person considers one day more sacred than another. Another considers every day like each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind. Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God, and whoever abstains does so to the Lord, and give thanks to their God.

For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. If we live, we live for the Lord. And if we die, we die for the Lord. So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life, so that he might be both the Lord of both the dead and the living.

So that second principle as a family, Paul says, we remember that we belong to the same Lord. We can have unity without uniformity, different personal convictions. So back to Shiloh and his music toss out. He was fully convinced in his conviction to the Lord that he was not to listen to secular music. And he is an example of following this passage where he was convinced in his own mind, but let other people have their convictions.

So he wasn’t telling me. I can’t listen to non-Christian music or go to the Toe the Wet Sprocket concert. I’ve been convicted about not watching certain TV shows that I know everybody else is watching, Christian and non-Christian alike, but I’m not the TV show police, and I’m sure they’re shows that I watch that you’d be like, oh my gosh, how can she watch that?

And then come here and teach? Let us all be convinced in our own mind and then obey the Lord. Some people I have a girlfriend who’s pretty adamant about not celebrating Halloween. Kind of reminds me of the I can’t eat meat sacrificed to an idol. It came from a sacrifice. I’m not going to do that. Where Halloween was like, it’s like it’s a pagan holiday.

I can’t celebrate Halloween. And I’m like, it’s not a pagan holiday to me. It’s a bunch of cute little kids getting candy. And that’s how I’m going to focus. And no evil spirits. I’m not doing that. So for me, I’m like, bring on the Halloween. But I know there’s churches that, you know, you have to have the Harvest festival because Halloween is bad and that’s okay.

We listen to what God’s telling you and then follow that.

Moving on to Romans 1410 through 12. You. Then why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. It is written as surely as I live, says the Lord, every knee will bow before me, every tongue will acknowledge God. So then each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.

So the third thing Paul is saying here is, as a family we choose honor over contempt, even when we are in disagreement. Why do I judge my brother or sister or treat them with contempt? Why do I treat them as less than me? When they are a child of God, they have the Holy Spirit and it is not me.

Now, that’s not to say there’s not appropriate times for judgment within the family, because I know a lot. One of the favorite verses people to quote is thou shall not judge. And that is so out of context. We are not to judge hypocritically as believers. We’re not to be self-righteous or superior. We are not to be condemning. We are not to be assuming modern motives or assigning intentions.

But there is biblical judgment. So don’t hear me saying that. Just stick to yourself and don’t ever have a judgment about anything. Biblical judgment begins with humility. That lens of mercy and grace. It speaks truth in love. It seeks restoration, not humiliation or shame. And it remembers our own accountability before God. And when Scripture is not clear, when it’s not explicit, we resist turning personal convictions into the verdicts over one another.

Another example, so I gave Shiloh, is kind of a good example. We have this personal conviction, but he wasn’t trying to throw it out on everyone else. So I have some really good friends and they’re adults. They’ve got adult children and the parents are pretty legalistic about a lot of things. But one thing in particular is alcohol. They feel very convicted personally that believers should not drink at all.

They probably think there’s some scriptural backing to that, I would imagine, or something. It’s not there. It’s not there. It’s clear in Scripture we are not to get drunk. And so that can be a fine line. Be some weight with someone drinking and then have another. And you don’t realize when you’re drunk. So maybe that’s where they’re coming from.

But they’re like, no drinking. So they go to their adult children who are okay drinking. They’re not alcoholics. They’re not drinking all the time. They’re not getting drunk. But every once in a while they have a drink. Parents can’t handle it. Parents were very concerned for you. You’re not walking with the Lord all the time like it is this huge.

It’s become this huge issue they are condemning. They are judging their kids and bringing disunity over an issue that is not from the Bible. That’s called legalism. When we elevate our personal convictions to make them biblical when they’re not, that’s legalism. Man made rules being elevated to the status of biblical commands. So Matt talked about love and honor the last few weeks for Romans 13.

So in this case, with my friends, they are loving and honoring their parents by they don’t drink around them, even though they have a right to, I guess you could say, but they’re really careful. Mom and dad, this really bothers you. So I’m not going to do this. I’m going to lay aside my personal freedom.

Romans 1415 says this, and now I’m kind of jumping ahead. This is where Matt is going to be going next week. So we’re pre-party in a little bit. Don’t tell him he’s going to go more into it. It’ll probably be better. But it’s so tied together with all of this.

If your brother or sister is just stressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not buy your eating. Destroy someone for whom Christ died. So number four, as a family, we put our freedom aside when it hurts. Another believer. And that is what my friends do, even though they don’t really need to.

They’re trying to preserve unity, so they don’t want to talk about drinking with the parents. The parents want to bring it up all the time. They don’t drink around them. They’re putting aside their freedom because it hurts. Another believer. Now it’s interesting because in Romans 14, the weaker believer is the one with less freedom and more rules. But Scripture doesn’t explicitly teach.

If you have more rules and more convictions, that you’re the weaker believer that. But that’s what it is in this case. Sometimes to have self denial is a sign of maturity. So to have those boundaries, obedience often requires strong faith, strong boundaries and discipline. So don’t hear me say that like the looser, loosey goosey do everything people, hey, Grace wins.

I’m going to do whatever I want. That’s Christian maturity. That’s not what I’m saying. But I mean, it’s not. Also not saying that the more rules you have than you’re a weak Christian, it’s really how do we balance this with grace and humility as we approach our family? We don’t fight over disputable matters, and we accept one another as we pursue Jesus.

And then we put our freedom aside. When it hurts others. Now in the Scripture it says distressed or stumbling. It doesn’t mean offended. So it doesn’t mean that if you’re offended by something, I can never do it. But, you don’t want to push a fellow believer to sin against their own conscience and conviction. That would be like me going, come on, Shiloh, you need to listen to that.

Come on, Mom and Dad, you got to drink. If someone has that personal conviction, let them hold that and don’t distress them and cause them to stumble or push them outside of it. And think about honoring others to preserve unity.

So we hold our personal convictions differently as a family. As a family, we don’t fight over personal convictions. We’re at the same table. We don’t make our divisive opinions, opinions a centerpiece of our faith or as a prerequisite for our friendships. We honor one another with our differences. And then when we need to, we put aside our personal freedom for the sake of our brothers and sisters.

When my husband met me at UCLA, I was way more black and white on a lot of things. I had strong convictions about a lot of things. In fact, if you were to say to me, disputable matters, I would’ve given you a face like this. This is my daughter, Lydia, who’s now 20. But she had some some really good faces as a kid.

I’d be like, dispute. I can dispute that. Let’s go to town on that issue. That’s that face, right? She got that for me. That’s college. Wendy. Right there. But as I’ve matured in my faith in my life and had life experience, I hold these secondary issues much more loosely. In fact, some of my secondary issues have changed over time.

So things I might have given that face to I now go at either. I’m not really sure or I’ve changed my position today. Shiloh listens to secular music. I could probably get them to toe the word sprocket in August. He still has standards. It’s not like he’s like, woo! Let’s listen to the dirtiest stuff. Because, you know, as Matt has also talked about what we’re pouring in and how that comes out, but he has a different conviction on that.

Six years ago, I would not be standing here because I would not feel comfortable teaching to a mixed crowd, to a big church, because I, from what I can understand in Scripture, women and men have different roles. And I do believe we do have different roles. But one I didn’t think women could be teaching in a big church.

We have a friend who went to seminary, sent us his research paper on women in ministry, and then sent us not only his research paper, but the research papers behind his research paper. So I’m reading all these scholars and historians, and I’m digging back into scriptures, and I feel that my position has changed and I’m here and I’m okay.

Biblically, there are still people that are about to leave right now because they’re like, I don’t feel comfortable in this is right. And I would say that’s okay. We can hold our convictions differently and still be at the same table. In fact, it could be one of the greatest ministries and witnesses to the world around us. Yes, we stay anchored to the gospel.

But we need to remember we’re going to have some differences. And one thing that helps me in this, and has helped me in my journey as I have grown, is the word journey. It’s helped me to have grace for people that I disagree with. Or maybe I think I’m farther along. I’ve processed through something journey when I see somebody that’s living a different way, we’re on the path and they’re maybe on something they’re still on on the journey.

It’s a journey. When you look at yourself in high school, in college, hopefully you’ve seen some growth and some change. But to have that grace, I mean, apply this to your parenting, to they’re on a journey. We pray each other through the journey. We walk alongside each other. We carry each other in the journey. And we we keep each other.

If we’re going too far out, that, yeah, that’s when we speak up. And there might be a disagreement because this is not how the family acts. And we do need to call our brothers and sisters out. Or if there’s some theology that is whack a doodle, which is happening everywhere right now. Yes, speak up, but save it for when it matters.

So here’s the challenge. Before criticizing another believer, pause and pray. And ask, is this truly essential? Is Scripture clear? And I know this is tricky because there are people like Scripture is clear on this, and someone else is like it is clear the opposite. So what do we do when there? I can’t cover everything today. This is going to happen where someone will say, no, this isn’t a secondary issue.

This is a primary issue. But can you do it with grace? Can you do it with mercy and humility? Am I acting out of love or am I extending the mercy God has extended me?

This is something to ask myself a lot. What is my goal? Is it just to be right? Is it to win or is it to help? What is my goal here? I think about that all the time. Whether I’m dealing with someone who’s not a Christian or a Christian, if it’s not a Christian, my goal is to win them to Jesus, to love them to Jesus that bring them at the table, bring them to the family.

I’m not addressing all the issues in their life. First step get them in to hear the gospel. God can deal with all this other stuff. Do they know Jesus? Are they plugging into a church community? Can we get them there? And if it’s a believer that’s maybe gone astray, similar am I seen fruits? Are they focused on the Lord?

There’s the secondary issues. That’s not the issue. A lot of times. What is my goal? Growing the kingdom, building the kingdom, not my kingdom. Bringing unity to the family. And when I am unsure if it’s disputable matter or not, can I trust that each of us will give an account of ourselves to God? And though we are not God?

Because the church should be the one place where people experience grace and disagreement. It should be a place where we find people who deeply love Jesus, deeply love Scripture, and still deeply love one another even when they disagree. Blue Oaks, may that be true of us. Let’s close in prayer.

Lord, thank you that you are present in us when we follow you, that you give us Your Holy Spirit to help convict us and guide us and lead us in these areas that are maybe not clear to everyone.

Please give us grace. Give us forgiveness. Call to mind if there’s anyone we need to ask forgiveness for that we have condemned and then convict us. Give us those conviction. Lord, so that we can be closer to you. Draw us closer to you. Help us to hear your voice, discern your voice, and choose you as God and not ourselves.

We ask all of this in Jesus name, Amen.