Resolving Conflict

If you want to open the Blue Oaks app so you can follow along in the notes section. Or if you have your Bible or the Bible app you can open it to 2 Corinthians 1:23.

As you’re opening that, let me tell you a true story I read some time ago about two unmarried sisters who lived together.

Because of unresolved conflict, they had stopped speaking to one another.

They were unable and unwilling to move out of the house that they both owned, so they continued using the same rooms, ate at the same table, and slept in the same bedroom… all without speaking to one another.

At one point in fact, they took a roll of tape and created a line that divided the house in two.

That tape line ran down the middle of the house.

It divided the kitchen — table, stove, cupboards.
It divided their bedroom and bathroom in half.
It even divided doorways and the fireplace in half.

This tape line enabled each sister to come and go, eat and sleep, sew and read, all without ever crossing over into the other’s domain.

Every night as they went to sleep on their side of the bedroom, they could hear each other breathing, but they didn’t talk. They didn’t talk about the matters that could have led them toward reconciliation and forgiveness.

As a result, these two sisters lived together for years in stifling silence, separated by a tape line that neither one was willing to cross or remove.

As I read that story, I thought this whole scenario would be rather humorous, if it weren’t for the fact that it describes the dynamics that exist in many relationships in our society — in our workplaces, in our neighborhoods, in our families and even in our church.

Many of us us are living with unresolved conflict that has resulted in a line drawn between us.

Like the sisters in the story, we often come into close proximity to that person on the other side of that line… and sometimes so close in fact that we can hear them breathe. They can hear us breathe… but neither of us talk about the line.

We don’t talk about the kinds of matters that would lead toward reconciliation.

In fact, it just seems like we’re united by life but divided by conflict.

And it’s painful… isn’t it? It’s painful when you come close to that person.

I have a few relationships in my life where I have this kind of dynamic at work right now.

In fact, I’d be honest enough to say that in some of those conflict-filled relationships, we’ve graduated from tape. We’re more into painted lines right now.

Some of you say, “I’m beyond that. I’m into brick and mortar.”

We all know where this kind of thing ends up — what begins as a tape line moves to a painted line and eventually becomes a wall.

And it isn’t God’s way for us to live that way.

Conflict does happen. It’s a part of life. Wherever you have two people trying to develop community, you’re going to have conflict.

In fact, Paul was well acquainted with conflict in his relationships, especially in his relationship with the Corinthian Christians.

In fact, today’s passage from Paul’s second letter gives us a compelling and practical look at the art of resolving conflict.

In observing the way Paul dealt with conflict — the conflict he was experiencing with the Corinthians — I hope we gain more practical principles that will help us defuse conflict before it gets to the line-drawing stage, or if it’s gone beyond that, to be able to come back, and begin to remove those lines… and move back into reconciliation and community.

And what’s at stake here — one of the primary reasons we need to learn to resolve conflict is — the unity of this church is at stake.

That’s what was at stake for Paul and the Corinthian church.

And the unity of the church is unspeakably precious to God.

We cannot overestimate or overemphasize how jealous God is for the unity of his bride and when we have unresolved conflict in a church like this, there is no unity. We become divided.

Jesus said in John 17:23 – He’s praying to the Father, and this is what he said about his disciples and others that would come after them:

May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

In other words, in our context, what Jesus is saying is, His reputation – when it comes to the people outside this church – His reputation rests on the unity of believers in this church.

His plan is for people to look at us and see our unity and say, “It must be true. God must have sent Jesus if a community with this kind of oneness has been formed.”

God is unspeakably jealous for the unity of his church.

Has anyone ever heard of a church that has experienced perfect unity and harmony and oneness?

The state of the church has traditionally been disunity. Disunity is accepted far too often.

I was reading about splits that have taken place in denominations.

My own denominational background is the Baptist church.

One author writes that in the last century there were over one hundred different Baptist denominations that were started… most of which came out of a fight of one sort or another.

Then he writes down some of the names. Let me read a few to you.

Northern Baptist
Southern Baptist
American Baptist
Duck River and Kindred Association Baptist
General Six Principle Baptist
Free Will Baptist
Separate Baptist
Regular Baptists
Primitive Baptists
And one group called Two Seed in the Spirit Predestinarian Baptist – that’s the actual name of a Baptist denomination that existed for a while.

This author also points out that there was a denomination that called itself The Church of God.

Then there was a fight and a branch broke off calling itself The True Church of God.

Then there was a fight in that denomination, and another branch broke off and called itself The Only True Church of God.

It’s just been the story of the church.

There’s a sense in which John 17:23 is the great, still-unanswered prayer of Jesus – “Father, make them one.”

It’s like you and I hold in our hands this unanswered prayer of Jesus. And it depends on how we treat each other whether or not it will be answered.

Let me say this though… Jesus isn’t saying, “be unified and don’t have conflict.” He’s not saying there will not be conflict.

Conflict in groups like this is inevitable. Conflict is when people argue or there’s anger, or differences of opinion, or different ideas. Conflict is inevitable.

Let me see a show of hands on this one: how many of you would say you are in conflict with someone at Blue Oaks right now? There’s a disagreement that hasn’t been resolved, or there’s different opinions and ideas that haven’t been discussed?

How many of you are afraid to raise your hand because it will cause a conflict with someone in this room?

Conflict is inevitable. However, disunity, which divides groups like this is unacceptable.

Conflict is inevitable. Disunity is unacceptable.

And the price is very high if we don’t get this right as a church.

So today, what I hope to give to you out of this passage are:

5 principles for resolving conflict.

Let me dive right in and give you the first principle for dealing with conflict.

The first thing you’ve got to do when you encounter conflict in either the initial stages or if you want to deal with it in the more advanced stages is you’ve got to:

1. Identify the issue.

Identify the issue is point number one.

I’ve always been told that a problem well-defined is half solved.

One of the sticking points in resolving conflict is never really identifying the issue that put that tape line on the floor in the first place.

For those of you who weren’t here last week, I’ll bring you up to speed to understand what put that line on the floor between Paul and the Corinthians.

This conflict began brewing between Paul and the Corinthians because these Corinthian Christians had gotten wind that Paul was planning to visit them on the way to Macedonia, and then to do the same on the way back from Macedonia.

This news had caused a great deal of excitement and anticipation in that church. There was probably some pride involved. “The great apostle Paul is coming to our church.”

It’s the same kind of pride some of you would feel if Beth Moore or Andy Stanley came to speak at Blue Oaks. It’s that kind of a visit. They probably made great preparations for this.

They were all fired up for this to happen… and then Paul doesn’t show up.

He chooses not to come to Corinth. He chooses to bypass them on the way to Macedonia.

These young believers were disappointed and disillusioned.

In fact, I think they were downright ticked. They drew that line and said, “We don’t want anything to do with you anymore.”

That was the general feeling that we pick up from the passion that Paul puts into responding to them.

Paul writes this letter — 2 Corinthians — largely in response to how they were feeling about his not coming to Corinth.

We can see in verse 23 that the first thing Paul really does in this particular passage is he calls attention to the fact that he knows what is bothering them.

He identifies the issue.

He says in verse 23,

I call God as my witness—and I stake my life on it—that it was in order to spare you that I did not return to Corinth. Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, because it is by faith you stand firm.

Now look at verse 1 of chapter 2 —

So I made up my mind that I would not make another painful visit to you.

In the first letter Paul wrote to the Corinthians there were a number of conflicts that could have caused a line to be drawn between Paul and the church.

Here Paul correctly identifies the issue causing the conflict between him and the Corinthians.

He says in effect, “I’m aware of what I’ve done. I know that you’re confused by it. I know you’re critical of it.”

It’s interesting that the source of the conflict here between Paul and the Corinthians was not a theological problem… nor was it an intellectual problem.

It was an emotional problem.
It was a relational problem.

This was not a theological disagreement that caused the conflict. It was a relational disappointment.

Some of us tend to discount emotionally-based conflicts or relationally-based ones. We feel like, “Why don’t you just grow up? You’ll get over it in time. It’s no big deal.”

And some of us do… but more lines are drawn over emotional issues and relational disappointments than over anything else.

Churches are split more by emotional issues and relational issues than doctrinal issues.
Marriages split that way.
Business partnerships split.

I’m really challenged by the fact that Paul — this brilliant scholar, this brilliant intellect and theologian — values the emotional and relational side of ministry enough to identify the issue that was so important to the Corinthians.

I’m challenged by that because a lot of times when I’m encountering conflict, I tend to view it from my perspective.

I think things like, “If I were you, I wouldn’t be all bent out of shape about this,” like I’m so superior.

At that point, you see what I’m doing is devaluing that other person’s perspective. I may be blind to what the issue really is, because I’ve never really looked at it from their perspective.

Paul demonstrates the first principle in dealing with conflict is to identify the issue, but to do so from the standpoint of the other person and not just from your own standpoint.

Do you do that?

That’s a good thing for all of us to learn to do.

Sit down with that person we’re in conflict with and say, “Let’s clarify. What is the issue here? Why don’t you tell me what you think it is?”

You may be surprised at what they say.

Then you share your perspective. You come to a common agreement.

It’s out there on the table together. Now you can begin to work on it.

Step number one in resolving conflict is identify the issue.

Step number two in resolving conflict is:

2. Clarify your intentions.

Woven into verses 23 of chapter 1 through verse 3 of chapter 2 are Paul’s efforts to clarify his intentions — he tries to help the Corinthians understand why he didn’t visit them.

Let’s read those verses again.

I call God as my witness—and I stake my life on it—that it was in order to spare you that I did not return to Corinth. Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, because it is by faith you stand firm.

So I made up my mind that I would not make another painful visit to you. For if I grieve you, who is left to make me glad but you whom I have grieved? I wrote as I did, so that when I came I would not be distressed by those who should have made me rejoice. I had confidence in all of you, that you would all share my joy.

In those verses, you could boil down Paul’s intentions for not visiting the Corinthians to two reasons.

The first is that he wanted to honor God the most.
The second is he wanted to do what would build up the Corinthians the best.

You see in verse 23 this little phrase where Paul says:

I call God as my witness

Paul doesn’t say those kinds of things flippantly.

I believe Paul sensed God leading him not to visit the Corinthians. He wanted to honor God’s leading, even though he knew it would create conflict and draw criticism.

Paul’s greatest desire was to honor God and live his life for God’s commendation, even if it drew criticism and caused conflict.

He was trying to let the Corinthians know that this is part of the reason why he didn’t come.

“As God is my witness — I was just trying to follow his lead.”

He was saying, “I wanted to honor God the most. I wanted to build you up the best.”

Paul makes it clear that he sensed that a visit at this time would be painful and could result in a great deal of sorrow for the Corinthians and for him. The timing wasn’t right for this visit.

Sometimes, resolving conflict really is a matter of timing, isn’t it? Sometimes, we need to be patient.

Sometimes, we sense God leading us to say, “I’m not going to press this issue right now. More work needs to be done in their heart. More work needs to be done in my heart, before we really come to resolution.”

Once again, you put it in God’s hands.

Paul also realized in this passage, as we can see, that the Corinthians were moving toward an unhealthy dependence on his advice and leadership. That’s when he said,

Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, because it is by faith you stand firm.

Paul was saying here, “We’re not supposed to be the objects of your faith. We’re not supposed to be controlling you. Don’t look to us to tell you what to do all the time, because you’re supposed to be growing in dependence upon God. Your faith is to be growing in him and not in us.”

I really appreciate this as a leader looking at Paul’s leadership.

Sometimes leaders and followers get into an unhealthy control-and-dependence dynamic that may get short term results.

In the long term, it can be incredibly destructive. Just look at some of the cult followings in our history.

When you’re a leader and have people always saying, “What do I do?” it makes you feel great.

If you’re a follower and have a leader who is always telling you what to do, you don’t have to think… but your faith isn’t growing.

Paul understood that and said, “For now, I’m not coming. You need to learn how to trust God. The reason I’m not coming is because I want to honor God the most and build you up the best. I want to clarify my intentions and let you know why. It’s been well thought through.”

By the way, for those of you who are wondering after last week’s message when it’s okay to break a commitment you’ve made — Paul illustrates here some reasons for breaking a commitment.

When following through on a commitment means dishonoring God or tearing down someone, that’s a legitimate reason for breaking a commitment or stopping a commitment, as we see Paul doing here when it means dishonoring God or tearing down some other people.

I was talking about these kinds of issues with a young woman at a former church.

She was seriously involved in a relationship and had become engaged to a young man who was not a Christian. He was far from where she was spiritually.

They had gotten very involved emotionally, and it led to an engagement.

We talked about what the writers of Scripture teach about being unequally yoked and the whole issue of honoring God in this relationship.

She said, “But I’ve made this commitment to this man.”

I said, “Well, you need to seek wisdom from God on that.”

Eventually, she came to the realization and she said, “This is difficult for me, but I realize I need to follow God. If I get married to this man, it’s not going to lead me closer to God. It’s going to lead me consistently away from him.”

So she broke off the engagement.

I’d like to say everything turned out great, but it was very hard on her.

I don’t know what God has for her, but I know that she could say, “I sought to honor God. Even though I broke this commitment, I did it to honor God. I pray that he will honor me for that.”

All of that to say — in seeking to honor God, we’re not going to avoid conflict.

In fact, many times in seeking to honor God, it’s going to cause conflict.

It did here with Paul, but he tried to do something about it.

He identified the issue, clarified his intention and points us to the third step in resolving conflict.

That’s where you need to:

3. Verify your love.

Listen to what Paul says in 2 Corinthians 2:4.

For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you.

You see, one of the most dramatic and significant steps you can take in the midst of conflict, with that person whose face is red with rage, is communicate to that person that they matter to you.

That even though you are going through conflict right now, and it’s difficult, heated and painful, that this relationship matters.

You might do that verbally. You might do it through a letter. I think it speaks powerfully for you to say to that person, “I love you. Let’s work it out.”

That’s what Paul did.

He says, “I’m not writing here to manipulate you and get you all going in an emotional way, so you’ll feel sorry for me. I’m writing to you, so that you can see the depth of my love for you.”

He identified the issued, clarified his intentions and verified his love.

Now, let me say this at this point, before we move to the next principle.

You could faithfully apply all three of those principles and still not get any response from the other side of the tape line.

Have you had that happen?

Our motivation should not be to get that other person to respond or to get them to do something. Rather, our motivation should be to do what is right in God’s eyes.

Paul writes in Romans 12:18 — listen carefully to this verse —

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Some of us forget the first two phrases. We think the writers of Scripture say, “Be at peace with everyone,” so we are running around taking responsibility for other people’s responsibility.

Some of us are not only working on our side of the line, we’re working on the other side of the line too.

God says, “No, no, listen! If it is possible as far as it depends on you, be at peace.”

In other words, your responsibility is your side of the line.

Have you identified the issue?
Have you clarified your intentions?
Have you verified your love?

Then you’ve done an honorable thing in God’s eyes.

The person on the other side of the line will need to make some decisions and take some steps as well. You can’t make decisions for that person.

You need to trust God to be at work within their lives as well.

Just to take some of the pressure off, you should know that even though you go through these steps, it may not bring about results right away. At least you know you’ve done the right thing before God. That’s what’s important.

Have you verified your love?

In verifying your love, one of ground rules is, I attack the problem and not the person.

Sometimes when you know you’re losing an argument you start bringing in the big artillery.

The old baggage.
The old conflict.
The old relationships.
The in-laws.

Attack the problem and not the person.

Lucy said in the Peanuts cartoon when she was talking about this, “If I can’t be right, I’m going to be wrong at the top of my lungs.”

Sometimes we do that. We start to attack more and more.

You can’t attack the person and verify your love at the same time.

Alright, what Paul moves to, starting in verse 5, is a personal portrayal of his own willingness to resolve conflict.

This is a subtle shift, but I think it’s Paul’s attempt to portray his willingness to resolve conflict and hopefully to inspire the Corinthians to do the same toward him.

Apparently, there was an individual in the Corinthian church who had really said and done things that discredited Paul. He said awful things about Paul, so much so that the Corinthian church called him on it and was punishing him for it. They were going to deal very heavily with this individual.

Paul responds to that particular situation starting in verse 5. Paul says:

If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent—not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient.

Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.

Another reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake.

That’s Paul’s response to this conflict — this situation that he should be upset about.

He shows us in his response the fourth principle. The fourth step in resolving conflict is to:

4. Forgive without probation.

To forgive without a probation period.

I’ve been thinking a lot in terms of this message about the goal of what should go on in the midst of conflict. And I’ve boiled it down to this little phrase.

The goal in the midst of conflict should be reconciliation and not revenge.

Regardless of the nature of the conflict, our goal should not be that I’m going to make you pay for what you’ve done to me or what you’re doing to me, which is revenge.

I don’t know anyone who has sought revenge or is seeking revenge who is happy.

I see people who are vengeful. They’re trying to get back. I see them just being increasingly bitter.

You say, “Well, I’m not a revenge-seeking person. I forgive people.”

There are two varieties of forgiveness. There’s the form of forgiveness in which we say, “Yes, I’ll forgive you, but if you ever do that again…”

That’s forgiveness with probation.

I think it is a subtle form of revenge.

Have you ever been on the receiving end of someone who is doling out forgiveness with probation?

If you have, you know how that feels.

You don’t feel free.
You feel like you’re walking on eggshells.

You know if you even come close to doing what you did again, they’re going to come at you like there’s no tomorrow. That’s forgiveness with probation.

Of course, there’s a second kind — the kind I’m advocating today… and the kind Paul is advocating in this passage. That’s the kind where we say, “I know I’ll probably not be able to forget the wrong that you did.”

You see, I don’t think you can forgive and forget. Own that fact.

You say, “I know I probably will never forget the wrong that you did, but I choose to not keep holding it over your head. I choose to set you free from it and to bury that thing. I choose never to unearth it again.”

That’s forgiveness without probation.

And that clears the way for reconciliation.

I think that should be the goal we keep in mind when we’re dealing with conflict.

Reconciliation and not revenge — that’s exactly the kind of forgiveness we’ve experienced through Christ?

We’ve been given through Christ forgiveness without probation.

We’re told by the writers of Scripture that as far as the east is from the west, so far have our sins been removed from us.

Though our sins were once red as crimson, they’re now as white as wool.

Forgiveness without probation is what we’ve received.

We’re told in Ephesians 4:32 that that’s what we’re supposed to give to others — forgiveness without probation; reconciliation and not revenge.

The Corinthians were into revenge.

They were young believers.
They thought this guy did something wrong, and let’s just have at it.
They wanted to keep punishing this person who had offended Paul.

Here’s Paul, the one who has been attacked, saying, “Enough! Stop! The punishment that you’ve already doled out is sufficient for this person. Now let’s begin working on reconciliation. Channel your energies into forgiving him and comforting him. Make a tangible statement of affirmation, so that everyone can see that this issue has been resolved, and that you have offered this person forgiveness without probation.”

Do you have a hard time forgiving without probation?

Maybe you’ve never even thought about it in these terms. You’ve never seen it to be two different ways to forgive.

Well, I used to forgive the first way a lot — forgiveness with revenge in mind — until I realized that whenever I forgave a person with strings attached, those strings used to control me.

As long as I held onto the memory of what that other person had done, I was affected, controlled, depressed and angry.

I had enough of it one time and began to say, “Jesus, thank you for forgiving me with no strings attached. Now help me cut the strings that run to this person. I give you the ends of those strings, so that I can be free from this. Help me to forgive this person without probation.”

A few small victories and a lot of setbacks later, I think I’m beginning to see how God meant for this whole thing to work.

Forgiveness without probation, you see, is as much for our sake as it is for the other person’s sake who hurt us.

It moves us to a form of authentic reconciliation.
It keeps us from putting down the tape lines and living in self-created dungeons of bitterness and resentment.

And Paul demonstrates for us this principle of forgiving without probation.

Now he gives us one last principle in resolving conflict. That principle, very simply put, is:

5. Anticipate Satan’s schemes.

In the second part of verse 10, Paul says:

And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.

Paul said something similar in Ephesians 4:26, where he said,

In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

That’s about conflict, and this is about conflict.

If you think about it, Satan’s schemes are not real creative… but they’re effective.

They’re real simple.

It boils down to this little phrase “divide and conquer.” That’s Satan’s scheme relationally.

If Satan can exploit conflict so that two people are drawing lines or building walls to separate themselves from each other, he knows by doing that he has seriously crippled those believers’ ability to grow and be effective.

We need each other to grow.

If he can get us isolated, he has really got us crippled.

It’s Satan who keeps bringing back to your mind the hurts of the past.
He keeps interjecting them back into the situation.
He wants your relationship to stay divided, so that you will stay isolated.
Satan is constantly trying to take advantage of conflict.

That’s why we need to understand and anticipate his schemes and take away any foothold that he might find in our life, by offering forgiveness without probation to those with whom we’ve experienced conflict.

Anticipate Satan’s schemes.

Watch out. He wants to keep you separated from that person.

God wants to bring you together.

Have you seen the movie, ‘Schindler’s List’?

Through this Oscar-winning movie, we’re reminded of the atrocities of the Nazi concentration camps and the heartless manner with which the guards and camp personnel went about their business. It was a graphic portrayal of that.

A concentration-camp survivor named Cory Tenboom wrote of her experience in a concentration camp.

And she wrote of an experience that she had a few years after that concentration-camp experience, in which she was confronted with a guard who was at that concentration camp.

Let me, in closing, read to you this account. I think it portrays as poignantly as anything the power of resolving conflict.

She writes:

“It was in a church in Munich that I saw him, a balding, heavy-set man in a gray overcoat, a brown-felt hat clutched between his hands. People were filing out of the basement room where I had just spoken, moving along the rows of wooden chairs to the door at the rear. It was 1947, and I had come from Holland to a defeated Germany with the message that God forgives.

“After my message, people stood up in silence, in silence collected their wraps and in silence left the room. That’s when I saw him, working his way forward against the others. One moment, I saw that overcoat and brown hat, and in the next, a blue uniform and a visored cap with its skull and crossbones. It came back with a rush, the huge room with its arched, overhead lights, the pathetic piles of dresses and shoes in the center of the floor, the shame of walking naked past this man.

“I could see my sister’s frail form ahead of me, ribs sharp beneath the parchment skin. The place was Ravensbruch. The man who was making his way forward had been a guard, one of the most cruel guards. Now he was in front of me with hands thrust out saying, ‘A fine message, Fraulein.’ I who had just spoken so glibly of forgiveness fumbled in my pocketbook rather than take that hand. He would not remember me, of course.

“How could he remember one prisoner among those thousands of women? I remembered him and that leather crop swinging from his belt. I was face to face with one of my captors, and my blood seemed to freeze. ‘You mentioned Ravensbruch in your talk,’ he was saying. ‘I was a guard there.’ No, he did not remember me.

“He went on, ‘Since that time, I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well, Fraulein.’ Again, the hand came out. ‘Will you forgive me?’ I stood there as one whose sins had again and again been forgiven, and I could not forgive. Betsy had died in that place. Could he erase her slow, terrible death simply by asking?

“It could not have been many seconds that he stood there hand held out. But to me it seemed hours, as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do. For I had to do it, and I knew that. I knew it not only as a commandment of God but as a daily experience, because since the end of the war I had had a home in Holland for victims of Nazi brutality.

“Those who were able to forgive their former enemies were also able to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives no matter what the physical scars. But those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and as horrible as that. Still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion, and I knew that, too.

“Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. ‘Jesus, help me,’ I prayed silently. ‘I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling, Jesus.’ So woodenly and mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. As I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm and sprang into our joined hands.

“Then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes. ‘I forgive you, Brother,’ I cried with all my heart. For a long moment, we grasped each other’s hands — the former guard and the former prisoner. I’d never known God’s love so intensely, as I did then. Then I realized it was not my love. I had tried, but I didn’t have the power. But when God helped me, then I had the strength.”

You see, God doesn’t want a relational world full of lines that divide us. He can give us the strength we need to move through the steps we’ve talked about today, just like he supplied Cory Tenboom with the strength that she needed.

It starts with a choice to say, “God, I want to cross the line. I want to remove the line. I want to move back into reconciliation.”

It starts with a choice, and then it follows with a request: “God, help!”

So let’s pray and ask him now. Would you join me in prayer?