How To Transform Your Life

One of the great illusions, maybe the greatest of our day, is that you can have it all —

career
success
star children
great vacations
rich friendships
a wonderful marriage
rewarding leisure
a beautiful home
fulfilling community service
thicker hair
whiter teeth
fresher breath
and six pack abs

In our day, the message has kind of gone from “I can have I all” to “I must have it all.”

We live in a world that tells us that to have unsatisfied desires is unbearable.

It’s just life as usual in our world — a desperate, frenzied pursuit of “having it all.”

“The pagans run after these things,” was Jesus’ way of putting it.

My concern is that too often in the church, we run after them too.

Too often Christianity is perceived or treated as something you can add on to life as usual.

We kind of try to add church, or spending time alone with God, or reading the Bible, or praying, or volunteering, to a lifestyle of the frenzied pursuit of having it all… and it doesn’t work.

Churches are full of people, truth be told, whose lives are not really all that different than those on the outside, just a little more frenzied, a little more guilt-inducing, a little less scandalous.

So what I have to say to you right now is very, very important.

You cannot have it all!

This is so important. Please hear this. If you hear nothing else today, please don’t miss this.

You cannot climb every ladder, take every trip, see every show, fulfill every ambition, gratify every desire… and follow Jesus.

You can’t.

Now the truth, of course, is you can’t have it all anyhow. But you certainly can’t have it all and follow in the way of Jesus.

Now, I know, this sounds awful at first. — “I feel I must have it all or I’ll suffer disappointing loss.”

But I want to tell you a strange and wonderful thing begins to happen to people who embrace this truth. They begin to discover that they can live without compulsively seeking to gratify every habitual desire… and they won’t die.

Eventually, they discover not only that they can live without compulsively seeking to gratify every habitual desire, but they can also flourish. The sun comes up, life goes on. They’ve found something better to follow than habitual desire.

Jesus, of course, never said, “You can have it all.”

He summed up his teachings by saying, “Seek first the kingdom of God.”

Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness — and all these things will take care of themselves.

For hundreds and thousands of his followers, this meant hardship and testing, sacrificial poverty, selfless devotion, and sometimes death.

And by the thousands, they said, “These teachings are the best life strategy I have ever heard! I will do what this man says. I will find out how. I will devote my life to this. This is an opportunity of a lifetime!”

And they did this not because they thought they were being noble and heroic, but because when they heard the message that this man proclaimed, and they saw the life that this man lived, they realized that to follow him no matter what the cost was the only sane thing in the world to do.

You cannot have it all… but you can have God right here in middle of your life.

You can have God —

his friendship
his power
his love
his favor
his guidance
his wisdom

You can have God. It’s the greatest offer any human being has ever received.

But this is not a hobby. God is not one more thing on a list of priorities for busy people, alongside getting more exercise or organizing your finances.

I want to be really clear about this because it’s true —

You will have to die to many desires and many ambitions so that you can follow this one glorious ambition wherever it leads… and whatever it costs.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Seek it above all else.
Seek it whatever it takes.
Seek it whatever the cost.

And all these other things will take care of themselves.

Now, let’s get real practical about this today. How do you go about pursuing spiritual growth?

If you come to the point where you say, “I do believe life in God’s kingdom, becoming an authentically good person, is the best offer I’ll ever have. I want to pursue it.” What do you do?

How do you pursue this wonder that the Bible calls spiritual growth?

Sometimes, people are forced to grow.

Maybe you go through a health crisis.
Maybe you go through a job loss.
Maybe someone you love dies.

And life as usual gets interrupted. The illusion gets shattered, and you have to face spiritual reality.

Maybe it happens when your life changes for the better.
Maybe when you have a baby.
Maybe when you get married.

I know a couple who got married in their 80‘s. He’s a doctor, a widow, and was 85 years old when they got married. His bride was 83 years old and she had never been married before.

Now I would think by the time you hit 80 or 81 or so, you might give up on finding Mr. Right.

Not only did she not give up, she landed not just Mr. Right, but Dr. Right at 83 years old!

And now she’s learning… she’s growing in new ways she never imagined.

Imagine being in the newly married couples group at church when you’re 83 years old with all the other newlyweds.

They’ve been married for several years now. They’re now 88 and 86. No kids yet.

But they’re growing and learning in all kinds of new ways.

Sometimes you’re forced to grow.

For many of us, we will have to decide to grow. It’s going to require God’s help and wise planning and determined persistence in the face of this world that says you can have it all.

A key question is “How?” If I decide I really want to grow, what do I do?

For many years, the biggest frustration in my spiritual life was a basic confusion about how spiritual growth takes place.

I would try to have more times of reading the Bible and prayer on a regular basis, but I’d be inconsistent and experience guilt.

And more than that, I wasn’t changing. I wasn’t knowing and loving God more, and there were character traits and habitual patterns in my life that weren’t changing.

I want to share with you the single most important learning about how spiritual growth takes place.

It’s from 1 Corinthians 9:24

There’s a basic distinction I want to be real clear about… because it’s so fundamental to how spiritual growth takes place.

I learned this from Dallas Willard.

In 1 Corinthians 9:24, Paul is using an athletic metaphor and it’s one that would be real vivid for the people at Corinth because they used to host ancient games that, next to the Olympic games, were the most prominent games. People were real familiar with this imagery.

Paul writes:

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.

Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Here’s the fundamental distinction that’s crucial to understanding growth.

There is an enormous difference between training to do something versus trying to do something.

There is an enormous difference that’s fundamental to human growth, in almost any sphere, between training to do something versus trying to do something.

We tend to overestimate what we can do by just trying and underestimate the change that can happen through training.

Now let’s start in the physical realm, which is what Paul is talking about. He’s talking about running a race. So, as some of you know, I enjoy running. I run 4-5 miles a few times a week.

I could probably run 10 miles if I had to, but I haven’t trained to run a marathon.

Show of hands on this one: How many of you think you could run a marathon? Raise your hands real high.

Second question: How many of you think you could run a marathon if you try really, really, really, really hard?

Now, my guess is that most of us, the vast majority of people in this room, eventually could run a marathon.

And if you really wanted to run a marathon, what would you need to do first?

You need to train!

What does it mean to train?

To train means I arrange my life around those activities that enable me to do what I cannot now do by direct effort.

Again, this is Dallas Willard in his book “Spirit of the Disciplines.”

People who are wise about human nature and growth have always understood this. As a general rule in any sphere of life, significant growth will necessitate training, not just trying.

It’s true in the physical realm.

It’s true in music.

Some people think practice is the hard way to learn how to play music.

How many of you play the piano?

Practice is not the hard way to play the piano.

You know what the hard way is? It’s to never practice and then get up in front of a group of people like this and try really, really, really hard to play the piano. That’s the hard way.

Intellectual growth involves training as well.

If you’re a doctor, you can’t just try really, really hard when you go into surgery. You’ve trained for years and years to prepare you for that surgery.

This idea is no less true when it comes to spiritual life. This is why Paul says in 1 Timothy 4:7:

Train yourself to be godly.

This is why Jesus said, in Luke 6:40:

The student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like their teacher.

Significant growth involves training, not simply trying… for a variety of reasons.

In our day we have largely lost this fundamental understanding.

What happens to so many people is they hear about the kind of life Jesus led and they think to themselves, “I must try really hard to live that kind of life.”

Here’s what happens so often in churches — say the teaching pastor is teaching about patience.

People hear a message about Jesus and how patient he was, and they say to themselves, “That’s true, I feel guilty about that. Tomorrow I’m going to try really, really hard to be patient.”

Have you ever tried really, really hard to be patient with a three-year-old?

How’s that working out for you?

Here’s the deal — you can be patient. It is possible. God would not have commanded it if it were not so.

What do you have to do first?

You have to train.

You have to arrange your life around certain activities that will enable you to do what you cannot do now by direct effort.

And again, wise people just understand this about life.

Now, this is where the whole idea of spiritual practices comes in. Many people badly misunderstand what spiritual practices are about.

Spiritual practices are not about showing God how committed I am. They’re not things that I do to earn spiritual brownie points with God.

The point of a spiritual practice is not to master a spiritual practice. People sometimes talk about how they want to master fasting or master confession or something like that. That’s not the point.

They are a means to an end, and the end that they are the means to is what Jesus would call “righteousness” — to be a person of amazing, authentic, inner goodness; to love God and to love people. They are means to that end.

God is not interested in some little abstract thing called your “spiritual life.”

He’s just interested in your life — the whole of it.

And he wants it to be a thing of wonder beyond your imagination. And you’ll need him to do it.

But there’s a part for you to play. And that part generally involves training, not just trying.

Now, one thing you need to know about a spiritual practice is that it’s often helpful to ask:

Where in my life do I want to go?
What sins are troubling me?
What new patterns do I want to develop?
And then, which particular spiritual practice do I want to get involved in that will help me grow in the way I want to grow?”

For example, let’s say you wrestle with gossip.

I’m sure no one here wrestles with gossip, but just theoretically let’s pretend that the person next to you wrestles with gossip. If that was the case, what spiritual practice would help them overcome that problem?

You’re practicing it right now.

It is the practice of silence.

If you were to practice an hour a day of silence or of speaking as little as possible, you would discover that it’s possible for you to know something and not say it.

And that will change your life. And it’ll change the lives of the people around you. You will learn it’s possible to know something and not to have to say it.

You will begin to be able to say the right thing at the right time in the right way, and to not speak when it’s appropriate not to speak.

Another example: Let’s say you wrestle with greed. What would be a good spiritual practice to help you overcome that?

Giving

One of the exciting things about being part of a church is you have the opportunity to get increasingly freed from materialism… and give to the work of God through the local church.

Last one: Let’s say that you wrestle with joylessness. You have a hard time being a joyful person. You are a “joy-impaired” person.

What practice do you need to engage in?

Celebration.

Celebration is a spiritual practice.

When we often hear the word “practice” we think it sounds really bad, and it must not be very fun.

Celebration is an activity you can engage in to train you for joy.

So maybe you need to have one day a week that’s your day of celebration.

Wear clothes you love to wear.
Eat food that makes you happy.
Listen to music that fills your heart with gratitude… and thank God that he’s such a great God that he makes music like that.

Just hang out on that day with people who fill you with joy. Because there are other people that suck joy out of you. On this day when you see them just say, “I can’t be with you today. Go away. I’ll see you tomorrow. This is my celebration day.”

Now if it’s helpful to get more information on this, I have a list I put together called “Strategic Uses for Spiritual Practices.” We’ve included that in our study guide this week. You can find that in our app or on our website.

It lists some negative patterns or sins that we wrestle with and then some of the battling practices that can help you grow.

What I want to do in the time we have left is talk about this whole idea of training. How it is that spiritual growth takes place? And what part do I play in it?

I want to talk about three areas in which you need to be involved.

And I’d like to ask you, as I’m talking about this, to think about your involvement in these three areas… and whether you need to make any changes.

Alright, the first one is:

Spiritual Practices

These are the activities that we engage in.

There are lots and lots of them, but I want to mention just two that are foundational — two that every Christ follower needs to be engaged in.

The first one is

Solitude

We talked about this a little bit last week.

Solitude is withdrawing from people and noise to make space for God.

Jesus’ life was rooted in solitude.

Luke 5:16 says:

But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.

Jesus, with all he had to do, often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.

And in Luke 22:39 it’s just after the Lord’s supper. There’s a little phrase here I’d just like you to notice.

Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives.

And, of course, the phrase is “as usual.”

This is a way of life for him. He often went to the lonely places, and in fact he had a favorite place for solitude that was familiar to those that knew him well — as usual.

Now, if Jesus the Son of God needed to do this, how in the world could we think we could learn to live in the kingdom of his righteousness, his authentic goodness, without practicing what he practiced?

Very often people will ask me, “What do you do in solitude?”

This is an important point about solitude: Solitude is a discipline of abstinence.

One of the ways to divide up disciplines is there are:

Disciplines of engagement.
Disciplines of abstinence.

Disciplines of engagement are when you’re involved in doing things — worship, study, prayer, confession and so on.

Disciplines of abstinence are when you abstain from doing things — solitude, silence, fasting, and so on.

In fasting you abstain from food.
In solitude it is fundamentally not about what you do; it’s fundamentally about what you do not do.

In solitude you don’t engage in human relationships. You don’t expose yourself to noise or stimulation. You withdraw.

Now, you can use solitude for a time to meditate on Scripture.
You can use it to pray.
You can use it to journal.
You can take a devotional book with you.

But solitude itself is withdrawing from people and stimulation.

If you’re anything like me, when you first begin to do this, it will feel like a waste of time.

Because our world, or at least my experience of it is — I’ve got to be doing stuff, or I don’t know who I am. I’m not even sure I have much value if I’m not doing stuff.

So I desperately need time when I’m not doing stuff.

If you’re much like me when you begin to do this, you will want instant results — profound experiences.

I remember one of the first times I had just a few hours of solitude. I had gone off with a group of people, we had a couple hours for solitude, and then we were going to join up together again.

I remember coming to the end of that time and nothing real profound had happened.

And I remember thinking, “I better have a really profound insight because I’ve got to meet with these other people pretty soon. If I don’t have something profound to say to them, it’s going to sound like I’m superficial.”

We’re so geared towards immediate gratification and instant results and letting other people know about them.

But if you’ll stick with solitude — and this is always a part of spiritual disciplines — here’s what you will find: You will find freedom.

Spiritual disciplines are always about freedom and power. You will find freedom from expectations and demands.

You will find God giving you freedom from that constant feeling of “have to do, have to do, have to, have to, have to.”

You will discover you have a soul. You will discover God is near, very near.

It’s a very interesting thing to me. Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and he was never less alone.

The most significant experiences I have with God consistently take place in times of intense, unhurried solitude.

You can’t do this fast!

So I want to challenge all of you who are committed to growing spiritually this Fall — grow in this area of solitude. Follow Jesus in this. Trust God in this.

If you’ve never tried it, try it for an hour sometime.

If you’ve experienced the value of solitude, try it for a half day or a whole day.

Now if you want some help in terms of what to do, Ruth Haley Barton has written a book called Invitation to Retreat: The Gift and Necessity of Time Away with God. I want to encourage you to pick up a copy.

I know what happens when I talk about this subject. I know in this room many of you are saying to yourselves, “I don’t have time.”

You have 24 hours a day. Make time.

Trust God in this. See if God can’t be trusted with your time. Make space for Him and see what happens.

Alright, another foundational practice is:

Gathering

We touched on this last week as well.

This means saying that when the church gathers for worship and learning, “I will be there.”

And not just physically, I won’t just drag my body, I will be fully present.

This is commanded in Scripture.

In Hebrews 10:25 the writer says:

Let us not give up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another.

This is the practice of the early church from Acts 2 on. Study this sometime in Acts. Over and over, Luke — the writer of Acts — talks about how the early church devoted themselves to meeting together.

So devote yourself to that here.

If you’re a parent, give this gift to your children. Commit to this. Because if you make this practice hit or miss, a convenience deal, your children will miss out on tremendous learning.

This is of crucial importance for your children. They will not form a relationship with a teacher that could affect their lives spiritually if you make it a convenience deal. They will not connect with other children in a community of faith.

When they get to middle school, they need this even more. When they get to high school, often what parents say at that point is, “My kids are running with the wrong crowd.”

Well, the time to work on that is when they’re young.

I just have to say this, we have an unbelievable resource in our Kids and Student Ministries. We have unbelievable staff and volunteers… that are not just babysitting your kids. They’re investing in your kids and teaching them biblical principles that will be a foundation for them as they grow older.

And it’s not just a kid deal. You and I need this.

My guess is that most of us have worried at least once this week. My guess is that while we were singing… it was pretty hard to worry right then.

Because when you’re pouring out your heart and your mind, your body, your voice in worship, among other things you’re engaging in a spiritual practice.

You’re training for life beyond worry.

Beyond that, you never know when God is going to speak to you in a real powerful way.

There have been messages and songs that have changed my life. And I think sometimes after one of those moments, “What if I hadn’t come?”

If you think you’re beyond this need, that you’re clever enough or strong enough, that you don’t require submitting to the discipline of gathering, I want you to hear one more verse from Scripture. This is about Jesus. Luke 4:16 says:

He went to Nazareth, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom.

In that phrase, “as was his custom,” Jesus Himself, the sinless Son of God, felt the need to submit Himself to the discipline of gathering for corporate worship and learning.

So, I just charge you, as parents, as followers of Jesus, as part of the Body, as imitators of Christ: Commit. Make this decision. Commit to the discipline of gathering.

If this means saying “no” to some things, say “no.” This is not a hobby. It’s just not. I need this and so do you.

As I was thinking about this this week, it got me thinking — How many of you have “church” on your calendar?

If you’re going to create a schedule that reflects your most important life goals, it starts with the right question.

As you’re deciding what goes into your calendar and what doesn’t, the question is usually, “What do I want to get done this week or this month?”

I want to suggest a better question — “Who do you want to become in this season of your life?”

Once you answer that key question, then you start putting the things in your calendar that will move you toward accomplishing that goal.

And if you decide you want to hear more from God, well then you’re going to have to be where his word is taught, regularly, weekly — you need to be part of regular weekly church attendance.

Who do you want to become?

If you even have a vague interest in becoming more Christ-centered in your life, then there are a few words you need to write on your calendar.

“Church” is one of them. I hope you’ll put it on your calendar if it’s not already.

Alright, so we train for spiritual growth by engaging in spiritual practices.

Again I have a list of them available if you want to learn more about this.

A second area of training is: we need to engage in certain

Experiences

We need to have certain experiences. We might not be able to orchestrate them; they’re not the same things as disciplines or practices, but they are events or experiences that take place. And they’re part of our growth.

One such experience might be to go serve with one of our Compassion partners.

It might be to serve not eh first Saturday of the month with your family.

It might be to cook a meal for homeless people in Oakland at City Team.

It might be to have a cross-cultural experience.

The classic text on this is Acts 10. Peter enters into the home and shares a meal with a Gentile — never done that before — and he’s amazed to see God at work.

Listen to what Peter says in Acts 10:34:

I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts those from every nation.

Now you’d think that’s not new information. Jesus was the teacher of Peter for three years. He often taught that with God there are no favorites, but it took an experience to reshape Peter’s heart and understanding.

I’m telling you, in my life and the lives of many, many, many people there’s something that happens when people get outside of their little world and get with different people that God uses to reshape their hearts and understanding of Him and life, just as he did for Peter.

It’s very important to go and see and hear and touch and smell things that cause different thoughts to go through your mind and different feelings to penetrate your heart that wouldn’t happen if you just read about them in a book or hear about them from someone.

Experience is very important to spiritual growth. My heart needs this. Your heart needs this.

I know some of you are thinking, “I couldn’t do that. My schedule is too full.” I’ll just tell you, very busy people, many of them every bit as busy as you or as me, do this by the thousands.

So I challenge you: go to Oakland and serve with City Team sometime within the next year. It will be an experience that will stretch you.

I’d go one step farther than that. If you’re too busy to do that, you’re too busy.

Here’s another experience that’s real crucial in spiritual growth. This is kind of humbling to me.

A friend of mine did a survey with his congregation, thousands of people responded. They asked the question, “What era in your life caused you to grow the most spiritually? What was the number one factor that contributed to your growth?”

It wasn’t teaching.

Anyone want to guess what the number one answer was?

Suffering. Times of pain and hardship.

Which again, shatters the illusion that you can have it all.

Now, this is very consistent with Scripture. James 1 says: Don’t resent it when all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your lives. Don’t resent them as intrusions, but welcome them as friends. Realize that they come to test your faith and produce in you the quality of endurance. So let the process go on and you will be mature and complete, lacking in nothing.

It’s a formative process, the experience of suffering.

Paul says the same thing in Romans 5: “Suffering produces endurance. Endurance produces character. Character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint.”

Of course, suffering doesn’t automatically produce growth. It requires a certain kind of response.

But every trial—and it’s best to start with the little ones, small irritations, interruptions in the day, hard conversations, unexpected tasks that become more difficult than you thought they’d be—are all opportunities to practice patience and wisdom and reliance on God.

It’s an experience that’s fundamental in spiritual growth.

Alright, one more category that I’d like you to think in terms of training for spiritual growth is

Relationships

If I’m going to grow spiritually, I need to be involved in several different kinds of relationships because I cannot grow on my own. I need certain relationships in my life.

For one thing, I need some spiritual friendships.

A spiritual friendship involves someone in your life who helps you pay attention to God, who pulls you towards Matthew 6:33 — “His kingdom and His righteousness.”

These relationships are all over Scripture.

I think about David, who was self-destructing, until Nathan cared enough to very thoughtfully, carefully, creatively confront him, to tell him this artful story and then tell him, “David, you are that man.”

What if David didn’t have Nathan in his life? What if he had gone to his grave unrepentant, destroyed by sin?

I think about Esther, a beauty queen, who ended up in this amazing predicament that she didn’t expect or ask for, with an opportunity to save her people, but at the risk of her life.

And Mordecai came to her and said, “Who knows, Esther, but you’ve come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” And he saw courage and trust and faith and spiritual greatness in her that she never saw in herself. And she responded to the challenge, and God used her to save His people.

What if she didn’t have Mordecai?

Do you have Nathans in your life? Someone who cares enough about you to point out sin?

Do you have any Mordecais in your life? Someone who cares enough and believes enough in you to say, “Who knows… but you’ve come to this moment for such a time as this?”

I’ll give you a question if you have a relationship like this. I have a spiritual friend who asked me essentially this question recently, “Tell me what you see in me. Any problems, negative patterns? Tell me about that. Areas where God is calling? Tell me what you see in me.”

If you don’t have a spiritual friend in your life, pray. Pray and start looking for one. Ask God to send you one. Look for someone with spiritual wisdom that you enjoy being with.

Join one of our small groups. One of the best things you can do in a small group is find a spiritual friend.

I’ll tell you another kind of relationship you need if you want to grow spiritually. You need some difficult people in your life.

Jesus said if you only love people who love you, what good is that? Criminals do that.

Difficult people reveal the truth about your heart, and they help you develop your heart.

I read a story from many centuries ago about a woman who wanted to grow in patience.

She went to a spiritual coach and he placed her with a poor widow who, this book says, was complaining, short-tempered, troublesome, and hard to put up with. She gave the devout lady ample opportunity to practice the virtues of meekness and charity.

This is a spiritual growth technique, just pairing up a difficult person with someone who wants to grow.

You need a difficult person in your life.

And if you don’t have one, I have a whole list of them. I would be happy to give you one of mine.

Also, you need unchurched people in your life — people who are far from God.

Bringing people to Jesus and this business of spiritual growth are so closely connected.

I would like you to reflect for a moment in closing. Just close your eyes if you would.

Would you reflect for a moment on your way of life right now?

Are you leading a Matthew 6:33 kind of life? Seeking first his kingdom and his righteousness? Or are there some things you need to die to?

Just consider the practices, experiences, and relationships in your life.

Are these things helping you to seek first God’s kingdom and righteousness? If they are, just keep going. Keep doing what you’re doing.

If you need to make some changes — maybe experiment and do some new things — I want to ask you to decide right now.

I want to challenge you not to allow the excuses, “I don’t have time” or “I gotta have it all” to keep you from this… because you can’t have it all.

But you can have God.

Alright, let me pray for you as the worship team comes to lead us in one more song.